Quote of the day

"To Accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." - Anatole France Nobel Prize-winning author

Just when I started to doubt myself and my abilities I came across this quote in some mail. It came at a good time. I go through times when I seem to be so ambitious and then I fall for a time and am plagued by "what ifs" and self doubt. I talked to someone who was a nurse and she said some things that weren't specific but I got the impression that she didn't like her job. She said it was hard work, which I knew, but she seemed to be trying to warn me, against what exactly I'm not sure. Then I started thinking, WHAT IF I can't do it.......WHAT IF I'm not smart enough......WHAT IF I'm just wasting time and money doing this?????? Then I volunteered to help at the health fair at the literacy council and I really enjoyed myself. I talked to several people in the health field and I noticed the sparkle in their eyes when they were talking. I realized then that these were the people that love their jobs and love helping people. I am doing this for that reason too. So I'm ready to get started and to stop doubting myself. I'm ready to put everything I have into becoming a nurse. I stopped procrastinating about getting that shot I need to volunteer at the hospital and got that done yesteday. It wasn't even that bad!
I'll clip this quote and keep it handy for future plunges I'm sure to have.

Thinking

Have you ever found yourself deep in thought while standing in the shower and you couldn't remember whether you just rinced shampoo or conditioner out of your hair so you had to start all over? I have been doing that a lot lately. I think I really washed my hair about 5 times but at least it's clean right?

I've got a lot on my mind lately. I'm not at the bank anymore and I'm trying to decide what I was supposed to be when I grew up. I never had an answer when I was asked that as as kid and now that I am an adult I only know what I am not meant to do. It's been a hard process of trial and error. If you asked me a year ago I would have said that I planned to work at the bank for a lot longer but something happened when I started taking classes. I realized how much more there is out there to do and when I looked around at the bank I started to realize that I didn't belong there and "up" was not where I wanted to move. I lost my ambition.....at least there. I needed to get out but it wasn't so clear to me then as it is now. I fought it very hard. I applied for several positions since November and many of those positions where very similar to what I did at the bank. I am glad someone with more experience was available to prevent me from making such a huge mistake. I wasn't meant to sit behind a computer all day. I've always wanted to help people and so far I've not been close enough to anyone to help them. So I'm on a mission! I'm going to volunteer at several places and see where I would be the most help. After I find out what it is that I am best at and get some experience in that then I'll know what I was meant to be and can then apply with confidence. Until then, I'm Momma Donna again, and my family loves having me home more often, rested and happy.

Since I've been gone though I've really missed the other people that work at the bank, well most of them. I have never worked in a place before that felt so much like family. There are a lot of great people there or at least there have been. Many of the people I really admired moved on before me. At least I know that I gained a lot while working there. I've learned a lot and gained so many good friends. I certainly received a lot more hugs in the month of February than I did in a long, long time and it felt good :O)

It's not easy for me to be at home though. I feel like I'm not doing enough to help my family. Not helping my husband to support the family financially is the hardest of all. I'm trying to be a good "housewife" (yuck, I hate that word), but I have to make frequent escape trips or I know I will go insane. I have to keep myself busy. My husband has tried to help me out by bring up his Mom. She's a great lady and I can't wait until she gets here.

So, busy, busy. This week I am simplifying. I have been reading Living the Simple Life: A Guide to Scaling Down and Enjoying More and Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter and I think it's time to get all of the extra garbage out of my home.

Hopefully I'll be done before my mother in law gets here in the wee hours of Wednesday night. I have called FRA so they will be expecting a large load!

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The song currently stuck in my head: Joy to the World (????)