Doin the happy dance

I've lost 5 pounds now! *whoo hooo* Yeah! I started using Traineo after I had already lost 2 pounds so really I lost 7! That's great! I have lost some off my thighs and my waist (and of course the boobs) but I REALLY want to lose the belly! Okay, so 16 pounds to go!

Restless legs and mind

I can't sleep. My legs wont let me lay still and my mind is churning away so I decided to get up and do something. I stretched my legs so now I need to empty my brain.

I realized today that I have become obsessive about my weight. I just want to lose weight NOW. I probably jumped on the scale more than 20 times today.... partly because I think it's dysfunctional but partly because I'm crazed. I feel so old lately.... old, fat and stupid. Why is it so hard to lose weight now that I'm 35? I travel miles in my garage each night (on my stationary bike) and lift my son's weights until my body feels like rubber and I've only lost 4 pounds in the last month. *sigh*

I was so hyped up about becoming a nurse but as I sit there in class and look around I realize just how late I am at coming to this decision. The people around me are barely 20, if that, and they already know more than I do. I am becoming so impatient. I want to be a nurse NOW.... I want to lose weight NOW! When did I lose sight of the fact that life is THE JOURNEY not the destination? When did I start to care about what people thought of me?

UGH! I guess I just want to be something when I grow up. I still feel like a kid......a kid with kids.

Today I was really goofy. I really was a kid amongst kids. I joked and laughed with the boys and it felt good....... well, until I had to be "the mom" and found it was hard to regain that authority after acting like a child. I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life. There is so much I could have become by now... so much more I could have accomplished. Ha, my kids have accomplished more than I have in some ways.

I remember when I was much much younger dreaming about all the things I would be or do once I grew up. I have been thinking a lot about that lately. I am sure this list is nothing like the list I had then... I'm sure that list was much grander...but these are my most recent aspirations.

When I grow up I want to...

1. always be a student
2. see things as a child
3. appreciate the small things that are often overlooked
4. dance in the rain and jump in the puddles
5. be loved
6. be a good mother
7. Be a good wife
8. be a true friend
9. be a nurse
10. be a Volunteer
11. be a good listener to someone who needs to be heard
12. help people
13. be a poet
14. sing without caring who hears me
15. get organized
16. learn to play the guitar
17. stop procrastinating
18. face my fears
19. learn to swim
20. look out the window of an airplane and enjoy the scenery
21. go up in a hot air balloon
22. go hang-gliding
23. be a good role-model
24. listen to my kids without judging
25. never grow up

Lost and found and a quote of the day

I keep trying to lose weight but I think I'm just juggling. I didn't even know I knew how. I lost 3 pounds but I've lost them before..... I wonder if they will come back again tomorrow... My weight goes up and comes back down.... I just keep moving it around.

I did notice that I could wear a pair of shorts that I couldn't wear a couple weeks ago. I could get them on but I had about a 3 to 4 inch gap. I got them on today (comfortably) and then did somersaults across the living room..... well, not really. I never could do those. I do like the website I've been using to track my progress - Traineo. By logging my exercise and watching my calorie intake it keeps me from slacking!! I also constantly want to beat my pervious time or how many miles I went on my bike. It's easy and it's free, what could be better right?

Well, I went to my second class today for Medical terminology. Wowzers. This is a lot of memorization! I bought a big box of index cards at Sam's Club to make flash cards and started writing each new term on them. I have already used a whole pack! My husband thought it was such a waste to buy so many. I tried to tell him there are so many things to learn and I'll need to really study hard. I also bought a voice recorder (with the money I made from my garage sale) and that will really come in handy. I recorded today's class and then I should be able to put it on my ipod. I think if I listen to it while I use my stationary bike or work in my garden I will start to learn those terms faster.

It's all very interesting and I could read about this forever. I don't know how I ever felt I didn't know what I should be doing with my life!! I just sit for hours with my new medical dictionary and immerse myself in all these new terms , images, and ideas. Something will catch my eye and I'll start reading and then that will lead to a new term that I'll need to look up and then I'll be flipping through the pages again. I tend to see so many interesting things along the way that I have to resist the temptation to lose track and run through every rabbit hole. I have to keep a notepad with me and jot down new terms so I can look them up later. I just hope that some day I will be able to help comfort those that are suffering and also help with their recovery. I also hope to be some comfort to those who will not recover. I don't think God put those people here to waste away staring at a wall. They are here for a purpose. I know God was training me for that when I was learning to write to my Grandmother even though she couldn't reply. It really is hard to write something without asking a question that requires an answer. It can also be difficult to keep things upbeat and positive. I got good at that though. I know that someday I'll be a great nurse and God will help me get there... one class at a time. Someone just told me that it sometimes takes something bad happening before something good can happen. We never want to go through the bad times but once the clouds clear the sun is so much brighter and we wont take it for granted.

Well tomorrow is a new day. I keep thinking of a young girl named Allie that is currently recovering from a horrible accident. And I think of my Grandmother who at the end of her life couldn't do the most simple things because she had Parkinson disease. I hope everyone will take advantage of each minute in each day, hug each loved one and smile at each stranger.... you never know when your life will change. Cherish life while it's good so that if things to take a turn you will have the strength to weather the troubled times. God sends us road bumps to make us stronger.

Here is the quote of the day from RealSimple.com

Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending.
— Anonymous

I'm a loser!

I have been trying really hard to lose weight for a while and it's finally working. I have to work out a lot harder than I was before and really watch my calories. I joined this free website called Traineo and it helps to keep track of my calorie intake and calories burned through exercise. I lost 2 lbs before I started and since I started I've lost another 3! Ahhh, it's good to be a loser :O)

Quote of the day

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
- Philip K. Dick

It is -20 F this morning and I have already gotten my exercise! Sir Riley decided to miss the bus this morning and my husbands ugly blue truck is not yet fixed. So my car was not in the garage this morning. I figured, what better way to teach a lesson than to make Ry run his butt up to school right? Too bad I had to learn the lesson too. We bundled up and I lectured him the whole way just like my dad used to do to me LOL He wasn't happy but he knew I had no other option and I wasn't going to let him have the day off when his grades. He's training for his green belt anyway so it's good for him! And it's good for me too I suppose. I'm trying to lose weight and hey, no need to stick my head in a bowl of ice to shrink my poors right? Not that I would LOL