My occasional sad mood...

I am not sure what it is exactly. Maybe it's spring... I always start to miss the sun shining on the hard crusted snow and the cool but still pleasant air that circulates in that time before spring really hits - What I call "Spring's spring". It's the easiest time to breath without any allergens about but you still have to dig out your sunglasses. I'll have to dig up my poem I wrote about that and post it here.

This is also the month that makes me think of my precious little boy with the blond ringlets that used to cook beside me with his own plastic pot and spoon. That little boy that I used to read board books to will be 13 in 5 days. A teenager, I just don't feel that old. He passed the SAT 2 months ago and is talking about college courses during the summer and getting his driving permit in another year. Man I miss those board books and hearing him say "mommy read"....

Oh, but chances are I'm in this downcast mood because my grandmother passed during this time last year. I can't shake the images of her playing her guitar in her rocking chair on the front porch and singing "just a closer walk with thee". Her front yard was surrounded by hydrangeas, roses, and other beautiful flowers. She never had a hair out of place but worked harder than anyone. She was my inspiration and I always tried hard to impress her. After she died I had quite a crash.... but now I'm up again, just like she would have been. She, however, would have gotten up much quicker than I did. I remember how persistent and stubborn she was about getting what she wanted. I always wanted to be just like her and my mom used to scream in frustration that I was just that. I plan to use every ounce of that "spirit" to achieve my goal of becoming a nurse. I know she will be proud even from Heaven.

So for now, I'm going to go back to my room and paint my nails while listening to Taylor Swift. Her song's are sweet and make me smile. Here's that poem....

A Winter Farewell

I shall miss the winds that blow
Across the silent evening snow
And the lonely swaying of the pine
And the birch that move together in line.

And I shall miss the looming moon
And its silent moody little tune
That carries the whistle of the wind
And the dry leaves that tumble in.

I will remember the nights I walked
And my little inward thoughtful talks
Whenever my conscience bothered be
The moon was there to counsel me.

And I could not forget the stars
That seemed to play a little farce
As they danced across the moonlit sky
And cast their light back in my eyes.

But tonight there was a different chill
And the air was very warm and still
I knew that spring was on her way
And the gray quickly fading to day

As I slowly began to roam
Back again towards my home
The birds began to sweetly sing
For, they could feel the coming of spring.

So long to you my gentle friend
After all we will meet again
After the last gray goose does call
And the show of snow warms us all.